HERE’S WHAT I THINK . . .
(Just in case anybody cares)
April 2007, in the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings

By the time this is printed, much of the press will have died down, but today, two days after the tragic event, the news is filled with stories about the shootings at Virginia Tech.  I am sure that everyone reading this agrees that it is a senseless, horrible thing.  But how many of us will go on about our business, unaffected, and eventually put it into the “I remember where I was when I first heard…..” category. 

Remember where you were when you heard about the Columbine shootings?  I do.  I was in a little truck stop in Amarillo, Texas, and I had not heard a word about them on the truck radio.  I was doing both jobs at once and calling while on the road to get people set up for being in shows during the summer – I was talking to a mother of teenagers in Hudson, and she said she was so upset by the horrible news about a school shooting, had I heard.  I went out to the television in the truck stop and watched, along with several other drivers and travelers, all shaking our heads and saying “Terrible” and “Those poor people” and similar empty platitudes.

Since Columbine there have been several other school shootings, with a similar flurry of outrage and headlines.  Then the news moves on to bigger and better things and we move back to our insular lives, saying ‘They should do something. . . . “

Ah, yes, the Grand Mysterious They.   What could They have done?  An African proverb reminds us “It takes a village to raise a child”.  (Yes, I know that a while back someone wrote a book and gave it that title, but I don’t do politics, so I am staying right away from that.) 
In Blacksburg, in Columbine, the shooters left messages that spoke of taunting, bullying, not being let into the ‘in crowd’, blaming those around them for their isolation and ultimately for their unconscionable acts.  Where was their village?  We will never know.  Could a village have stopped them?  We will never know.

What we do know is that every child needs all the help he or she can get.  They should be able to turn to adults for this.  Can they?  Maybe all of us need to make that village, to build houses of caring and taking time, to pay the taxes of paying attention, to raise our future the way we want it to be.  Show a child you care what is going on in their life.  Pay attention to what they say and do, and to the little signs that might show something is going on that they are not saying.

Can they turn to you to tell you about bullying, taunting, teasing - can they tell you they want to do something not in the mainstream? 

Let them know that whatever they do, it is important.  So they’re not a sports star, so what?

Go to the school and tell them they need to give every kid a chance to shine, not just the stars - and keep saying it until they hear you and do something.  And tell them to teach respect for every person and every personality because if they aren’t, they’re part of the problem and they might be setting themselves to be another Blacksburg or Columbine.

Every child can be stars of their own world, shine in their own specialty, do something that is important to them and that needs to be important to you.
 
Let them know you support them.  Yeah, they will screw up – but that’s part of growing up, and you need to let them know that, and that you are willing to help them from not doing it next time. 

And, on the other side, make them know that they are responsible for their own actions.  It’s not the school’s/the law’s/your fault they got caught, it‘s their fault they did it.

But don’t try to live their life for them - they need to make their own mistakes, find their own way, just as you did.

Let them know you love them. 

No, it won’t work every time with every child.  But if it works one time with one of them, isn’t that a start?